Thin disorder

Don’t tell me about being hungry,

My enemies appear in front of me three times a day, maybe even less.

I chew ice to ignore them, hoping it will fill me up somehow.

I sleep to ignore them, yet my only reason to sleep is because I feel too weak.

But I’d be lying to myself if I said it isn’t convenient for me to sleep, to not hear the rumbling within me.

Bones look beautiful to me, I don’t like curves and I hate my hyper fixation into making sure I see a number lower than 50 and obsessively counting the calories that I eat everyday, I wish I didn’t have to worry about them…900 of them per day is too much already, that number only exists on a good day.

47 kg of fatigue and 100 pounds of hunger.

Nobody understands why my head works this way, I won’t sit down and explain to the rest why I feel much prettier when I have an empty stomach and there is a void inside. 

They wouldn’t get it, apparently I’m hurting myself this way and I won’t last long if I keep doing this everyday. They will force me to sit and face what’s in front of me. Emphasising that they care but to me…They’re as much of an enemy as the food they’re making me eat.